Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Week in Review – March.28

Last week was pretty nice, marred only by lingering depression and stress, most of which relates to things outside my control. Still, time spent with my friends and lovers was fantastic, and as long as I didn’t have too much time to dwell on lost loves and what I couldn’t change or help any more than I was already, I was pretty happy. I got some time alone on Thursday, and the rest of the week I was surrounded by wonderful people who make me very happy, so I have no real complaints.

Wednesday morning my alarm went off at 7 and I had a hard time getting back to sleep. When I finally did get up Ke and I went to have breakfast at Perkins and then grabbed a nap before I went into work. After work I picked Nivagi up and met her new girlfriend as well as getting to say hello to her two other boyfriends, both of whom I really like. Nivagi and I went back to my apartment and tried to watch the first episode of Dexter online, but got pwned, so I’m going to have to buy the season one DVD when I can afford it (maybe not this week – we at AT&T might strike soon).

Thursday night I had no plans, so I decided to take the night to myself and unwind before my weekend in Evansville. I got to talk to Mira for a couple of hours after work, and then I called Jero to wish her a good night before she went to sleep. I’d meant to be productive and journal, but by the time I got off the phone I was pretty sleepy, so I listened to BSG commentary and just posted some backdated entries I’d written earlier before curling up with my pillows and going to sleep.

Friday I got paid, which is always good, but then immediately almost all of it went out for rent, car payment, and parking, which sucked. After work I went over to Jero’s. She had just gotten back from derby practice, so she was understandably tired. We talked about things to do since neither of us had to be up terribly early in the morning, but since she was exhausted and I had a long drive the next day we wound up just snuggling and watching Bones until we fell asleep.

Saturday I picked Ke up and we drove down to Evansville to see Mira. We met Mira at her house and then went to a sushi place to have dinner with Mira’s friends. After gorging on yummy sushi, Ke, Mira and I went to Hebe and P37’s apartment to hang out and watch Commentary! The Musical for Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which was very amusing. Ke, Mira and I then retired to our hotel, which had a shower big enough for three and a huge comfy bed, in which we immediately conked out after a long fun day.

Sunday Ke, Mira, and I went out for breakfast and then napped at Mira’s before Ke and I drove back to Indy. Last night I hung out at Jero’s, and tonight I plan to see Ke. Tomorrow night Jero and I are going to go see The Lost Boys in the theatre as part of Jero’s belated birthday present, and I’m hoping to maybe get together Thursday with Nivagi to work on role-playing stuff if she’s free. This weekend I’m going up to St. Louis for emmo’s housewarming party, and I’ll get to see Ra, too! Woot!

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

- former Vice-President Dan Quayle

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Last Week and Half of This One – March.15 – March.25

My emotional state continues to be up and down. I’m surrounded by wonderful people, but a ton of crap is going on in others’ lives that I have no control over and for which I can provide little help. Things have settled in my relationships, but not exactly where I’d like them to, so the process of acceptance is a depressing one. I’m trying to be there for people when I can, and to enjoy the good times, but whenever I get a chance to think too much my mood crashes.

Last Sunday I slept until 3 and then woke up to breakfast with Ke and Mira. We had a lazy day of hanging out playing on our laptops and then Ke and Mira made a yummy dinner of chicken and asparagus. Ke worked on a memorial website for her grandmother while I caught up with friends and lovers about their weekend. Ke and I were feeling a little down by the end of the night, and Mira wasn’t exactly feeling very amorous either, but the three of us managed to pull each other out of our respective funks and have a good evening nonetheless.

Last Monday morning Ke, Mira, and I went out for breakfast and then Ke went into to work and Mira headed back to Evansville. I went to Jero’s and took a nap with her before driving up to meet Mika for dinner. Dinner with Mika was pleasant, and although we still have no idea when we’ll hang out while I’m on the night schedule, I’m hoping we’ll figure something out. After dinner I went back to Jero’s and we snuggled and watched Castle (a new guilty pleasure) and Dollhouse (which I love already).

Last Tuesday was St. Patrick’s Day, so I was worried about being late for work because of the damned parade (I work downtown). I left myself extra time, but besides having to run over some revelers, I managed to get in early. I waited 15 minutes to clock in at 1:45, only to realize later that they moved me back to the 1:30 shift this week (*facepalm*). Luckily I’d mentioned to my boss when I got there that I was “early” so she knew I was actually there. After work I had no plans so I went home to MUX.

Last Wednesday morning I went to bed way too late, so when one of my managers called and offered e-time I accepted it and went into work a little late but much more rested. After work I met Ke at Brbe and Erro’s where they were hosting a game night. Ke and I hung out there, playing Apples to Apples and watching YouTube videos and Onion News. When it got late Ke and I left, picking up food and heading back to my apartment for The Daily Show and sleep.

Thursday morning Ke and I got up and had Le Peep for breakfast before she went to class and I went into work. At work they were giving away E-time like candy, so I had the rare opportunity to leave work early. I picked up Nivagi and drove her to her apartment so she could see her boyfriend and pack for her Friday night date. After that Nivagi and I then went to Denny’s for a late-night dinner. By the time we got back to my apartment it was late enough though that we were OK with just going to bed.

Friday night after work I hurried home so I could watch the third-to-last episode of BSG before going over to Jero’s to watch the two-hour finale. I got off too late to watch the finale the first time it played, but luckily Sci Fi played it again later in the evening so I still got to watch it that night. They decided to focus a lot of the ending on character instead of action, so I can see how some people might find it a little slow, but I’m generally satisfied with how they wrapped everything up.

Saturday night Jero and I went to a roller derby bout between Indianapolis and St. Louis. The Naptown Roller Girls played the Arch Rivals Roller Girls and it was a pretty exciting game to watch. The ARRG were ahead 12 points by half-time, and were able to win 93 to 60. After the bout Jero and I went back to my apartment to clean, and wound up arranging my living room and organizing things in such a way that with luck I’ll be able to someday make some order out of the chaos.

Sunday morning Jero and I didn’t get to bed until almost dawn, so Jero slept until 2 PM and I slept until four. When I woke up Jero was going through paperwork in my living room, helping me organize and get rid of things I no longer need. I joined in to help her clean, until finally we got hungry and went out to Olive Garden. We’d intended to go back to her house after dinner, but wound up back at my place for more cleaning.

Monday was Jero’s birthday, so we went out for breakfast before I had to go into work. At work I was depressed – too much going on in my life and in the lives of people important to be that I can’t control. After work I went back to Jero’s, where she’d made us yummy chicken burgers. We were going to play SingStar, but I’d left my PlayStation controller at home, so we wound up cuddling and watching Bones instead.

Tuesday night I was allowed to leave work a little early again so I grabbed some food for Ke and me and went to her house to MUX while she did homework and studied for a test Friday. On the MUX I was able to get in on the end of a Decepticon raid TP run my Hemy. Since Jero had Snoop on, I logged on Browning, and we had a fun time being unhelpful non-combatants on the sidelines while Nighthawk and Skywarp beat each other to paint.

Tonight I’m getting together with Nivagi, and it should be fun as long as I can stay awake – my alarm went off at 7 AM and I had a hard time getting back to sleep. This weekend I’m going down to Evansville to see Mira, and my mom for her birthday. With luck Ke will get to come with me so the two of us can hang out with Mira and her friends. My mom is also depressed and doesn’t really want company, but I’m hoping if I’m right there in town I’ll be able to persuade her to at least venture out for dinner.

"The future will be better tomorrow."
- former Vice-President Dan Quayle

Monday, March 16, 2009

Week in Review March.14

This week continued the trend of suck plaguing my month year. Some overhanging things got resolved for better or worse, and overall life got better towards the week, but there is still a lot going on that I’m just going to have to hunker down, weather, and hope will eventually improve. I did get to see Jeso for the first time since 2002 and Mira for her birthday, so my week has definitely had its bright points. I’m hoping next week will be better overall. I could do with less drama and change.

Last Sunday morning Ke’s dad called her and told her that her grandmother, who Ke was very close to, was doing very badly health-wise and might not make it through the day. I cancelled my plans with Jeso and went over to spend the day with Ke to keep her company. She took a long nap and then we went out to have dinner with Jero. Ke called her parents and found out her grandmother had died, so we called Mira and I held Ke while she cried.

Monday night is usually my MUX night, but I got to Jero’s so late that by the time I logged on only R_55 was on, and he wasn’t very talkative (although he did pass along news that D3@ was doing well). R_55 said he was just popping in to see how we were doing, which confirmed my feeling that he isn’t really around anymore. I need to ask Cawh to have him turn over passwords, etc, for things if he’s not going to be an active admin. After logging off the MUX, Jero and I lay down to snuggle and watch Bones.

Tuesday I had a rough day at work, compounded by finding out that what I thought was a discussion of possibilities with Amsc the weekend before was actual a break-up and I didn’t realize it. Besides feeling like an idiot, it was better in some ways to have things officially end instead of hanging over me, which was stressing me out. After work I went over to Ke’s to take care of her, but she wound up taking care of me instead. I still couldn’t sleep, so I wound up lay awake depressed until dawn before finally passing out.

Wednesday I was still feeling emotionally crappy, so Ke came over to keep me company while got my notes together for Saturday’s D&D game. I was sad about breaking up with Amsc, but having some resolution was at least helping me start to adjust to the new paradigm. My ongoing troubles with Mika are causing me more actual stress, since she and I haven’t had a chance to work on things since our last talk and with the mandatory overtime she’s had at work, this week didn’t work out either.

Thursday I was feeling a little better. I scheduled dinner with Mika for Monday, and knowing when I’d see her again helped my mood considerably. I hadn’t plans after work, so I told Jero she could come over and hang out. I installed tax software she lent me and then Jero snuggled me while we played Kingdom of Loathing until three in the morning. Jero helped me catch up on quests on which I was behind, and it was a magnificently relaxing and silly way to spend the evening.

Friday after work I finally met up with Jeso and we went over to Marsh’s for a late-evening game night. B! and Jobe joined us, and they played Guitar Hero before we moved to the dining room to play Infernal Contraption and Fluxx. I was worried about dragging someone to game night I haven’t seen in seven years, but it actually turned out to be a lot of fun. We hung out until about 2 AM and then headed back to my apartment to sleep.

Saturday Jeso and I hung out and had breakfast while waiting for Mira to arrive from Evansville. When Mira arrived, Jero and Ke joined us and we got ready to role-play. When B!, Jogr, Marsh and Jobe arrived we had a fun game of D&D. We lost some players to a conflicting Ides of March party, but I had a great time nonetheless. After the game a few of us went to Denny’s and then Mira, Ke and I went back to Ke’s to snuggle and sleep.

Today I slept until 3, and then Ke and Mira woke me up with breakfast. We’re having a fun lazy day playing on our laptops, which is a great way to spend a Sunday. They made a yummy dinner of chicken and asparagus, and we might head back to bed soon to watch The Big Bang Theory. Some underlying issues were threatening to ruin my good mood earlier, but I’m trying hard to work through them and stay positive and enjoy Mira’s presence while we have her here. As Jero pointed out, I had a great weekend surrounded by wonderful people, and I need to appreciate what I have instead of worrying about everything else.

"We have a firm commitment to NATO. We are part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are part of Europe."

- former Vice-President Dan Quayle

Monday, March 09, 2009

Week in Review: March 01 – March 07

This week has been really rough for a lot of people I know. So many friends have lost people close to them this month that I’m ready to join Ra in demanding to the Powers that Be: ENOUGH. I’m concerned about a couple of my relationships, but really, it’s hard to complain when so many people around me are dealing with so much worse.

Last weekend was good, but between a potential break with Amsc, Sero’s daughter Jennie Sutton dying, and Bemcco’s friend Jest’s baby being born, my emotional state was way up and down. I spent Sunday hiding out with Amsc and watching Dollhouse and Sex and Breakfast. We had lunch and dinner delivered, so I barely left the bed all day except to shower. It was a good way to hibernate and spend time with Amsc while I have the chance.

Monday morning I drove back to Indy and got to work early. The events of the weekend started to sink in, and my good hanging-out-with-Amsc mood started to fade. After work I went to Jero’s. She’d cooked me yummy Slither-beast, and after I ate we decided to skip MUXing since I get there so late on this shift that most people wouldn’t still be online. Instead we went to bed to snuggle and watch Bones. I called Ra before I went to sleep, and talked to her until she needed to get off the phone to call Sckl.

Tuesday night I got together with Ke. I got off work early since they had no more work for us, so I went to Ke’s house to wait for her. When she escaped the lab we went out to Wendy’s to grab late-night food and then ate and played on our laptops until it was time for Ke to go to bed. I’d snuggled with her under her electric blanket while I typed, but once she was ready to actually sleep I set the computer aside so I could cuddle her while we slept.

Wednesday evening I had a night to myself. I talked to Mira after work and then called Nivagi so I could make plans for Thursday. I got to talk to Ra on the phone again for a while and then talked to Jero. Mira called back, so I got to talk to her at the end of her evening as well. I was hoping to get some journaling done, but I was depressed and by the time I got off the phone I was also tired. I watched Family Guy on Hulu and poked around the Internets until I gave up and went to sleep.

Thursday I went to see Watchmen with Chpa and Nivagi. I love the comic, but hadn’t read it in a while, so there were still a few surprises in terms of small things I’d forgotten and changes they’d made to the story. As a fan I can say I approve of the slight change they made to the ending – if anything, it keeps the spirit of the original while increasing the emotional impact and making things even more personal. I enjoyed the movie and it was well worth staying up until 3 AM to see it, especially with Chpa and Nivagi along.

Friday morning I went to see Dr. Moretto for a check-up and to establish him as a new family doctor, something I haven’t had in years. Doc said everything looked good, but took fluids to check for cholesterol, etc. I was feeling down since Mika cancelled on me because she had to work mandatory overtime, so after work I hid out for an hour and then went over to Ke’s to hang out with her while she ran around in a cleaning frenzy.

Saturday I’d planned to go visit Jeso, who has recently moved back to Indiana from Texas, but I rescheduled with Jeso to have a chance to go down to Evansville with IceSpark to see the Circle City Socialites in their first interleague bout against the Demolition City Roller Derby Destruction Dames. It was great to get to see CCS play, even if they did wind up getting pwn3d this time out. We also got to see a rematch between the DCRD Dynamite Dolls and the NEO Rock’n’Rollers, which ended in an exciting last-second finish of Dynamite Dolls 100 NEO R’n'R 102.

Sunday morning Ke’s dad called her and told her that her grandmother, who Ke is very close to, was doing very badly health-wise and might not make it through the day. I cancelled my plans with Jeso again and went over to spend the day with Ke and keep her company. She took a long nap, and then we went to have dinner with Jero. After dinner Ke talked to her parents and Mira, and soon we will probably go to sleep.

“I check the list. Rubber tiring. Gas. Saw. Gloves. Cuffs. Razor wire. Hatchet. Gladys. And my mitts.” -- Marv, SIN CITY

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Amsc – Weekend 2009.03.02

Last weekend I talked to Amsc about the fact that she’s met a guy she likes who is monogamous. I told her if she needed to take a break with me to explore things with him, we could. I don’t want to give Amsc up, but I also think since she lives so far away it would be selfish to restrict her chances at a full-time local relationship to keep her available to me the four days a month we get to see each other.

Amsc thought it might not be fair to just say, “OK, never mind! Game on!” if things don’t out with New Guy. She’s concerned about treating me unfairly, especially with my recent troubles with Mika. However, Amsc has been up front with me about her needs and the problems she has with us long-term, and I don’t want her to feel pressure to “choose” him or me. I want her to be able to explore things without additional stress.

I’m trying to think of this in terms of win-win. If things work out with New Guy (or someone else later on), is happy, and I’ll still presumably get to do most everything I do with her now, minus the sex and maybe some of the snuggling, depending on New Guy’s comfort level. If things don’t work out, I’ll still get to date Amsc, and maybe she’ll feel less like I’m a restriction on her dating opportunities.

I had a very good weekend with Amsc. If it winds up being our last weekend together as a couple, it will be a nice bookend to our first nights together. While there, I tried to focus less on “I might lose Amsc” and more on, “If this is my last weekend with her, let me enjoy it fully so I can look back and smile.” If it turns out that Amsc and I only get two years together, I will try to be happy I had two years with such a wonderful woman.