2012.05.09 Mood Journal

Today I'm doing OK. I’m a bit down from breaking up with Nivagi, and my back has painfully seized up twice lately, worse than it’s been in a long, long while. However, I did just have a fantastic time in Chicago visiting my friend Behu for her birthday, and this week should be pretty quiet until I go with Anfo, Jero, and Mars to see Avengers on Thursday. woot!

I have a feeling I’m going to be depressed about the Nivagi breakup for a while. I think it was the best thing to do, and I’m sure she does, too, but it’s difficult for me. We dated for almost four years, and it’s a difficult for me for me to let go. I really should have broken up with her when she started dating Tojo, but since we still had a lot of good times since then, I’m still glad I didn’t.

I’m considering going back to school. I’ve been saying for years that I should go back and “brush up” my programming skills – it’s been ten years since I worked as a software engineer – but it was never a good time to do it “right now.” However, Mars is fed up with things at work and is planning to go back, and studying CS with Mars would be frankly awesome.

Now’s also the perfect time because with the breakups with Nivagi and Trmo, I have six more free days a month – almost a week. If I’m going to start something time-consuming like school, I should do it now before my schedule calcifies into something new and I “don’t have time” again. I really should contact Ivy Tech myself soon and see what they’d recommend. With luck work will pay for it.

According to the SelectSmart.com Belief System Selector, my #1 belief match is Secular Humanism. What do you believe? Visit SelectSmart.com/RELIGION

Derby Progress – 04.10

This past week has been very cool in terms of my derby education. Tuesday at practice I got to play something akin to roller derby for the first time. I was completely ineffective, but it was still a lot of fun. I normally hate doing things I'm not good at, but it was cool skating around in a mini-pack and experiencing first-hand how it might work in an actual bout. It was 3-on-3 instead of a full scrimmage, but it gave me a taste of what the real deal is like.

Wednesday’s practice was good – this time I got to skate in a pack of first two and then four people, and together we tried to stop a jammer from coming through. I got to lay a hard hit on West Side Slam - my first hard hit in roller derby. He gave me positive feedback about it, possibly exaggerating because I’m new, but still very encouraging. He said I hit harder than he’d been hit in a recent bout, although I’m sure now that he’s wary I won’t have the opportunity again for a while.

At Thursday’s derby practice we worked on offensive scrimmage skills, and I cemented my discovery that I actually love playing derby. Until now, I didn’t know – all I’ve been doing is working on basic skills, and I could have hated playing the actual game, especially since I generally despise team sports. However, derby feels more like soccer to me, which I really don’t mind – if I screw up, I have other players right there with me that have my back. It feels more like a group effort than all pressure on me.

Although my legs were burning and wobbly after three days of practice, I was able to keep up the entire scrimmage-like drill. I even jammed once and got through the pack (although I couldn’t catch back up to the pack afterwards). Rockit Ma’am was happy because she got to hit me finally, though apparently she went easy on me because she didn’t want to knock me into a wall my first time out (thanks, honey!). B) Luckily, right now what I lack in skill make up for in mass – I can take a hit pretty well and keep going.

At first I just held the line, but eventually I got moved to the middle of the pack and surprisingly was able to hit the jammer out a few times. While they were able to get past me initially, my teammates often set up a wall in the front of the pack and I was able to catch up and push the jammer out, in a maneuver called Set ‘em up/Knock ‘em down. We worked on one-on-one offensive strategies, and I had a lot of fun, grokking the point of everything even if I’m not fast enough to always put the strategies into effect yet.

Based on the fun I was having, I told my mentor Dexter I have a goal to play in upcoming bouts, especially the upcoming Rookie Rumble. Dexter said he might even put me on the roster for this weekend. That seems a little soon to me, but if he thinks I’m ready, I’ll give it a try. As long as I keep practicing, I should be ready to get my ass kicked at the Spring Roll Tournament in Fort Wayne in May. That should be very cool, even if I personally will be hopelessly outclassed by our competition.

Should be fun! I’ll try to remember to post how it goes!

-- Eye-Roll 20s

Eye-Roll 20s – Derby Hoodlum - Race City Rebels
RaceCityRebels.com

Tuesday – Work, Jero, and Ke

Tuesday I decided to embrace the busywork at the office, and let go of my stress about trying to take calls and handle everything no one else seems to be doing. It was so pleasant to just relax and clean up the database, leaving the ACD to other people unless specifically asked by my manager to jump in and help. My boss did appreciate that when he pointed out my points-per-hour were low for the month, I gave him my plan for bringing them up instead of a bunch of excuses about there being no work. Woot.

However, once the call volume spiked, I had to get back on the phones, and then it was all downhill from there. I was slammed with call after call, and since I’d only had a cup of soup all day, I was starving. Eight minutes before my lunch I got an ISDN cut call which took two hours to resolve. One thing that did help my mood was a call from Jero, just when I was finally escaping the call from hell. I’d been missing Jero and hadn’t gotten to talk to her recently, so it was very nice to hear from her.

Unfortunately I won’t have a chance to see Jero again until Monday. It sounded like she was missing me, and that really made me with I was with her instead of at work. By the time I was able to escape for ‘lunch’, it was 8 PM, and I was ready to eat office supplies on my desk. I wound up having to drive to Hardee’s since by then everything in walking range downtown was closed. After I got back I ate during my ‘break’ and didn’t manage to do much more work for the tiny remainder of the day.

When I did flee work, I went home, where Ke was waiting for me in my apartment. I’d left Ke my key so she could use my hot tub after her pilates class.. Instead, when I got there she was putting together media shelves she’d bought for me to help me organize my apartment. I cleaned off the shelves I already had in my room, and moved all the books off the floor that had stacked up over time. I vacuumed by bedroom, and by that time Ke had finished putting together the second shelf.

We took a break to run out and get me a snack and Ke caffeine. When we got back, we moved my old shelves into my closet, and moved my low dresser under the window in my bedroom. We then set up the media shelves and put all the the CDs and DVDs collected around my room up and out of the way. We then cleaned off my bed, putting my books in the closet and gathering a garbage bag’s worth of old mail and paperwork that could be thrown away in the morning.

By the time we were done, we had my room looking rather nice, and Ke even found the remote for my TV, which will be useful for volume changes while snuggling. I put clean sheets on my bed and we showered off the dust we’d collected, finally getting to sleep around 6 AM. This morning we trucked down a cartload of cardboard to recycle and old electronics to donate, freeing up even more space in my apartment. Ke and I were hoping to go for breakfast together, but we slept too late and I had to go to work.

I’m very lucky to have such sweet and supportive people in my life. Now if only my worklife could be as nice as my home life…

Week in Review – Week Ending July 18

Last week was rather interesting. I got to hang out with Jero’s family, which is out of the ordinary. I got stuck on a massive project at work for three days; that was stressful at first but not as bad once the people working on it with me and I got used to what we were doing. Stsm stayed over at my apartment Wednesday night and we had a lot of fun. And of course I got to spend time with Jero, Nivagi and Ke, who I love to pieces. Plus, this weekend I get to see Mira and role-play! Woot! Happy times. B)

Last Sunday Jero and I got up and went with her family to the Children’s Museum for the King Tut exhibit. It was different enough from the one we saw in Chicago to be well worth the trip. After we got out of King Tut we spent some time exploring the rest of the museum. When we got tired and hungry we left to go out to eat and then back to Jero’s to light fireworks and play Guitar Hero and SingStar on my PlayStation. It was a enjoyable day, especially with Jero’s sister-in-law’s infectious enthusiasm.

Last Monday morning I went out to eat with Jero’s family and then had to go into work. I got stuck on an all-evening project that started slow but got more and more hectic as the night went on. By the time I left work I was strained and stressed, and the unrelated stirring up of previously unresolved relationship angst didn’t help. When I got to Jero’s it was quiet, and so I stayed up most of the night playing on my laptop while Jero and her parents slept. This peaceful interlude was excellent for recharging my mood.

When Jero’s parents left for their flight in the morning I said my good-byes and went to bed, waking only for breakfast when Jero got back and lunch later. At work I continued the project I’d started Monday, but actually finished on time, unlike the day before. After work Nivagi came over and brought me food since I’m poor. We ate and spent the rest of the evening nestled in bed. I had a good time hanging out with her, but after she went to sleep I lay awake for hours fretting over things I can’t change, so I didn’t rest well.

Wednesday morning Nivagi and I got up early enough to grab breakfast at Au Bon Pain. That night Stsm came over for snuggles and DVD- watching. We poked through my collection and settled on The Venture Bros. However, once we cuddled up to hug and chat, the TV was forgotten and we talked about our weekends, roller derby, and Guitar Hero. We never did get around to watching Venture Bros before it got too late and we fell asleep.

Thursday work was quiet after three days of special project hell, so I managed to maintain my good mood throughout the day, in spite of finding out I only got half a paycheck (never did find out what caused that). After work I packed for the weekend and then headed over to Ke’s. She met me at her house when she got off work, and headed back to her bedroom to play on our laptops while she ate ice cream. We lay on the bed, talking and playing on the Internet until it was time to cuddle and sleep.

Friday night I went over to Mars’s so he could show me the new game he’s been raving about, Dead Space. The survival horror game is very atmospheric and immersive, especially with Mars’s big-screen TV and surround sound. Mars and Jobe offered to let me play, but I suck at console games, so after a few minutes of having my character run into walls while attempting to flee from monsters I handed the controller back and just watched them play, which was much more fun.

Saturday morning I got a good amount of sleep at Jero’s and then woke to drove down to Evansville to see Mira. When I arrived we packed up food-makin’s and headed to Hebe and P37’s house, where Mira made dinner for all of us. After eating the four of us went out to see Public Enemies and then Mira and I retired to her apartment to snuggle and watch funny videos on YouTube. Sunday we got to cuddle and role-play, and the entire weekend was very nice. Today I’m back at work, but somehow my good mood has continued to endure.

“Marty, the penguins are psychotic.”
-- Alex the Lion, Madagascar

Week in Review – Week Ending July 4th

This has been another fine week. I started the week celebrating my two-year anniversary with Ke by snuggling with Mira and her. Since we got back to Indy I’ve gotten to see Jero and Nivagi, as well as having a night to myself. My cancer doc checkup went well, and Laat came to visit me Thursday during her work furlough. Now I’m in Chicago, spending the weekend with Caro. Woot!

Sunday morning Ke, Mira and I slept in a little before hunger drove us out of bed (and chair… Mira had gotten up during the night and moved to the comfy chair). Mira made us a yummy breakfast of eggies in a basket and strawberry muffins. We showered and snuggled all day, only getting back up for pizza before Ke and I had to head back to Indianapolis.

Monday morning Ke had to leave early for school, so I got up and went to get my car’s oil changed and coolant flushed. I made an appointment to follow up with my cancer doc for my regular checkup, and then went to get my blood drawn. After work I went to Jero’s and she made me food while I popped onto the MUX. Noone was active, so I logged off and Jero and I snuggled to watch Bones instead.

Tuesday morning I enjoyed copious snuggles with Jero before work. When I got there Mars gave me a job from S#0 that took me off the phones for a while, which helped me maintain my mood from that morning. After work I went home to try to be productive, and got to talk on the phone with Ra and over GTalk with Ke. I stayed up late re-reading text messages from 2008 in preparation for cleaning off my phone.

Wednesday morning Ke was feeling sickly, so I went over to her house to cuddle and have lunch with her before work. After work Nivagi came over in her new car (woot!) and brought burrito-makin’s. We made overstuffed burritos and ate in my bedroom. After I cleared the plates we cuddled together on the bed. We discussed going downstairs to work out, but Nivagi was really comfy and I was full from dinner. Instead we wound up passing out completely, lights on and everything.

Thursday morning I awoke with a start, wondering what time it was since I’d fallen asleep without setting an alarm. Luckily it was only 7 AM, so I set my alarm and went back to sleep. When we woke up Nivagi went with me to my cancer doctor appointment and then I went into work. After work Laat came down from Louisville to visit me, so we went out for a late dinner and then watched The Venture Bros.

Friday morning I saw Laat off and then went into work. It was very quiet. We had a skeleton crew, and I thought that meant we might get slammed, but instead it seemed like no one else was working that day either. They even let me leave two hours early. I drove up to Chicago to pick up Caro, and then we headed back to check into our hotel and pass out.

This morning Caro and I got up and ventured out for food, but otherwise we’re just hanging out in our hotel room, alternating snuggling and playing on our laptops. We might seek out someplace to watch fireworks tonight, but we’re not willing to deal with the crowds at Navy Pier so we hope to find someplace less over-inhabited. Knowing us, I’m sure we’ll find up getting sushi and hitting a bookstore. Geek love!

Happy Independence Day, Friends-list Americans!

"The hottest places in Hell are reserved for those who, in time of moral crisis, maintain their neutrality." - Saint Thomas Aquinas

Week in Review – Week Ending June 27th

Last week was extremely enjoyable, even if it seemed to zoom by far too quickly. I started the week with a visit to Ra and Sckl, got to hang out with Jero and Nivagi during the week, had lunch with Stsm, and then spent the weekend celebrating my three-year anniversary with Ke by driving down with her to Evansville to spend time with Mira. Woot!

Last Sunday morning when I got up Ra was already awake. I joined her in the living room and we watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. When Sckl woke up he made us breakfast before they left to see Ra’s dad for Father’s Day. I hung out in their apartment and read HPOP until they got back. We took a micro-nap and then went to Sckl’s family’s house. They were extremely nice, and man, they can cook – I may have to invite myself up there every Father’s Day! I had a great time with them all.

Last Monday morning I drove back to Indianapolis to go to work. The phones were insane all day and I was relieved when things finally calmed down in the evening before I escaped. That night I went over to Jero’s to roleplay on the MUX. Jero hadn’t been feeling well so she was treating herself to the five-hour version of Pride and Prejudice – apparently Colin Firth is a panacea. I ate quickly and jumped online. Since the event that was supposed to happen that night failed to get off the ground, I hung out for a while and then logged off. Jero and I watched G.I. Joe: Resolute before calling it a night and snuggling up to sleep.

Last Tuesday night I took some time to myself to catch up on my huge backlog of email, journaling, and laundry. I still have a ton to do at home, but some time for just me was very good. I pleasantly wasted a lot of time trying to read everything on the Internet, and then buckled down and got some productivity done before bed. I stayed up late but was still able to sleep until I woke up on my own, fifteen minutes before my alarm.

Last Wednesday night I went back over to Jero’s after work. She was passed out asleep, exhausted after derby practice. I let her sleep while I talked to Ra on the phone and then carefully woke her up to see if she wanted to hang out or go back to sleep for the night. We moved to the couch to hang out and chat, but Jero was still really sleepy, so before long we decided to give up and just go back to bed.

Thursday I had lunch with Stsm before work, and after work picked up Nivagi and brought her back to my apartment. Nivagi wanted to help me with my latest attempt at healthier living, so she offered to work out with me in my building’s exercise room. I only spent about 20 minutes on the elliptical machine, but it was a start if nothing else. I steamed some pasta and veggies for dinner and then we called it a night.

Friday morning I brought Nivagi to check out a car, which she bought (yay self-mobility!). We had lunch with Ke, and then Ke brought Nivagi home so I could go into work. After work I went to Ke’s, who managed to stay awake about 10 more minutes after I got there before passing out completely. I stayed up for a while reading more HPOP before turning off the light and joining her in slumber.

Saturday and Sunday Ke and I were celebrating our three-year anniversary, so we went down to Evansville to spend all weekend snuggled in bed with Mira. We picked up my sister on the way down to Bloomington, and hung out with my mom for about an hour before heading over to Mira's. Mira cooked dinner Saturday night and made breakfast Sunday morning so we never had to leave her apartment! We got in plenty of lazy cuddles as well as spending time with her roommate while he played Final Fantasy X and worked on his chainmail. It was a wonderful escape and Mira made sure we both had an excellent time (without spending any money besides gasoline). Happy anniversary, Ke! Thanks for being so amazing! Thanks as well to Mira for a fantastic time during our visit! B)

“Momma told me never to do the dance of joy alone, or I would go blind.”

-- Balki Bartokomous, Perfect Strangers

Week in Review – March.28

Last week was pretty nice, marred only by lingering depression and stress, most of which relates to things outside my control. Still, time spent with my friends and lovers was fantastic, and as long as I didn’t have too much time to dwell on lost loves and what I couldn’t change or help any more than I was already, I was pretty happy. I got some time alone on Thursday, and the rest of the week I was surrounded by wonderful people who make me very happy, so I have no real complaints.

Wednesday morning my alarm went off at 7 and I had a hard time getting back to sleep. When I finally did get up Ke and I went to have breakfast at Perkins and then grabbed a nap before I went into work. After work I picked Nivagi up and met her new girlfriend as well as getting to say hello to her two other boyfriends, both of whom I really like. Nivagi and I went back to my apartment and tried to watch the first episode of Dexter online, but got pwned, so I’m going to have to buy the season one DVD when I can afford it (maybe not this week – we at AT&T might strike soon).

Thursday night I had no plans, so I decided to take the night to myself and unwind before my weekend in Evansville. I got to talk to Mira for a couple of hours after work, and then I called Jero to wish her a good night before she went to sleep. I’d meant to be productive and journal, but by the time I got off the phone I was pretty sleepy, so I listened to BSG commentary and just posted some backdated entries I’d written earlier before curling up with my pillows and going to sleep.

Friday I got paid, which is always good, but then immediately almost all of it went out for rent, car payment, and parking, which sucked. After work I went over to Jero’s. She had just gotten back from derby practice, so she was understandably tired. We talked about things to do since neither of us had to be up terribly early in the morning, but since she was exhausted and I had a long drive the next day we wound up just snuggling and watching Bones until we fell asleep.

Saturday I picked Ke up and we drove down to Evansville to see Mira. We met Mira at her house and then went to a sushi place to have dinner with Mira’s friends. After gorging on yummy sushi, Ke, Mira and I went to Hebe and P37’s apartment to hang out and watch Commentary! The Musical for Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, which was very amusing. Ke, Mira and I then retired to our hotel, which had a shower big enough for three and a huge comfy bed, in which we immediately conked out after a long fun day.

Sunday Ke, Mira, and I went out for breakfast and then napped at Mira’s before Ke and I drove back to Indy. Last night I hung out at Jero’s, and tonight I plan to see Ke. Tomorrow night Jero and I are going to go see The Lost Boys in the theatre as part of Jero’s belated birthday present, and I’m hoping to maybe get together Thursday with Nivagi to work on role-playing stuff if she’s free. This weekend I’m going up to St. Louis for emmo’s housewarming party, and I’ll get to see Ra, too! Woot!

"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is 'to be prepared.'"

- former Vice-President Dan Quayle