Last Week and Half of This One – March.15 – March.25

My emotional state continues to be up and down. I’m surrounded by wonderful people, but a ton of crap is going on in others’ lives that I have no control over and for which I can provide little help. Things have settled in my relationships, but not exactly where I’d like them to, so the process of acceptance is a depressing one. I’m trying to be there for people when I can, and to enjoy the good times, but whenever I get a chance to think too much my mood crashes.

Last Sunday I slept until 3 and then woke up to breakfast with Ke and Mira. We had a lazy day of hanging out playing on our laptops and then Ke and Mira made a yummy dinner of chicken and asparagus. Ke worked on a memorial website for her grandmother while I caught up with friends and lovers about their weekend. Ke and I were feeling a little down by the end of the night, and Mira wasn’t exactly feeling very amorous either, but the three of us managed to pull each other out of our respective funks and have a good evening nonetheless.

Last Monday morning Ke, Mira, and I went out for breakfast and then Ke went into to work and Mira headed back to Evansville. I went to Jero’s and took a nap with her before driving up to meet Mika for dinner. Dinner with Mika was pleasant, and although we still have no idea when we’ll hang out while I’m on the night schedule, I’m hoping we’ll figure something out. After dinner I went back to Jero’s and we snuggled and watched Castle (a new guilty pleasure) and Dollhouse (which I love already).

Last Tuesday was St. Patrick’s Day, so I was worried about being late for work because of the damned parade (I work downtown). I left myself extra time, but besides having to run over some revelers, I managed to get in early. I waited 15 minutes to clock in at 1:45, only to realize later that they moved me back to the 1:30 shift this week (*facepalm*). Luckily I’d mentioned to my boss when I got there that I was “early” so she knew I was actually there. After work I had no plans so I went home to MUX.

Last Wednesday morning I went to bed way too late, so when one of my managers called and offered e-time I accepted it and went into work a little late but much more rested. After work I met Ke at Brbe and Erro’s where they were hosting a game night. Ke and I hung out there, playing Apples to Apples and watching YouTube videos and Onion News. When it got late Ke and I left, picking up food and heading back to my apartment for The Daily Show and sleep.

Thursday morning Ke and I got up and had Le Peep for breakfast before she went to class and I went into work. At work they were giving away E-time like candy, so I had the rare opportunity to leave work early. I picked up Nivagi and drove her to her apartment so she could see her boyfriend and pack for her Friday night date. After that Nivagi and I then went to Denny’s for a late-night dinner. By the time we got back to my apartment it was late enough though that we were OK with just going to bed.

Friday night after work I hurried home so I could watch the third-to-last episode of BSG before going over to Jero’s to watch the two-hour finale. I got off too late to watch the finale the first time it played, but luckily Sci Fi played it again later in the evening so I still got to watch it that night. They decided to focus a lot of the ending on character instead of action, so I can see how some people might find it a little slow, but I’m generally satisfied with how they wrapped everything up.

Saturday night Jero and I went to a roller derby bout between Indianapolis and St. Louis. The Naptown Roller Girls played the Arch Rivals Roller Girls and it was a pretty exciting game to watch. The ARRG were ahead 12 points by half-time, and were able to win 93 to 60. After the bout Jero and I went back to my apartment to clean, and wound up arranging my living room and organizing things in such a way that with luck I’ll be able to someday make some order out of the chaos.

Sunday morning Jero and I didn’t get to bed until almost dawn, so Jero slept until 2 PM and I slept until four. When I woke up Jero was going through paperwork in my living room, helping me organize and get rid of things I no longer need. I joined in to help her clean, until finally we got hungry and went out to Olive Garden. We’d intended to go back to her house after dinner, but wound up back at my place for more cleaning.

Monday was Jero’s birthday, so we went out for breakfast before I had to go into work. At work I was depressed – too much going on in my life and in the lives of people important to be that I can’t control. After work I went back to Jero’s, where she’d made us yummy chicken burgers. We were going to play SingStar, but I’d left my PlayStation controller at home, so we wound up cuddling and watching Bones instead.

Tuesday night I was allowed to leave work a little early again so I grabbed some food for Ke and me and went to her house to MUX while she did homework and studied for a test Friday. On the MUX I was able to get in on the end of a Decepticon raid TP run my Hemy. Since Jero had Snoop on, I logged on Browning, and we had a fun time being unhelpful non-combatants on the sidelines while Nighthawk and Skywarp beat each other to paint.

Tonight I’m getting together with Nivagi, and it should be fun as long as I can stay awake – my alarm went off at 7 AM and I had a hard time getting back to sleep. This weekend I’m going down to Evansville to see Mira, and my mom for her birthday. With luck Ke will get to come with me so the two of us can hang out with Mira and her friends. My mom is also depressed and doesn’t really want company, but I’m hoping if I’m right there in town I’ll be able to persuade her to at least venture out for dinner.

"The future will be better tomorrow."
- former Vice-President Dan Quayle

Happy New Year!

The first week of the New Year has been even more up and down for me than most. I’ve been cranky, depressed, down, and stressed. My friends and lovers have been mostly patient with me as I try to pull myself out of an emotional slump. I’ve had some really nice nights that have sometimes counter-balanced my bad moods. I’m trying to make the best of things without feeling too fake-happy like I used to.

Last Sunday Ke and I slept late and then headed out for some Dairy Queen. B! had suggested a game night, and for a last minute event we had a surprisingly robust turnout -- Brbe and Erro, B!, Chwi and M31, Salamander and Nivagi, Jero, and Jogr, a new person from Indiana_RP. Nada still has my Apples to Apples and Munchkin, but B! and Jero brought theirs so the evening was saved. *grin*

Last Monday I had a follow-up doctor’s appointment, so Ke went with me to the radiation oncologist’s to be checked out and makes her everything is AOK. After my appointment Ke and I had Cuban food for lunch and went to see the Bodies exhibit, which was very interesting. I spent the evening with Jero, having dinner and MUXing a bit before heading to bed.

Last Tuesday I went to see Jeki. She and I don’t get to hang out very often due to her schedule as a single mom, but for the last couples of years she’s been free the week between Christmas and New Year’s while her kids were at the grandparents’. So, even though I was insanely busy, I made some time to go visit her and hang out during her rare childfree time. Her ex-husband teased her because she’d tried to squeeze in time to see everyone she knew while she had the opportunity to have adult conversations without interruption. It was pleasant to spend time with her, and I hope I won’t have to wait until next Christmas to hang out again.

Last Wednesday Jero and I had a fun night at Mika and Tojo’s New Year’s Eve party. Jero and I shared a kiss at midnight, and then I got one from Mika and Nivagi as well. Ke and Mira called to wish me a happy New Year from Evansville, and I called Amsc, Bemcco, Caro, and Ra to give them (or their voicemail) long-distance New Year’s kisses as well. Jero and I stayed pretty late at the party and then headed back to her house to sleep.

Jero and I slept in late on New Year’s Day. Later in the day Ke drove back from visiting Mira. I went over to her house to give her new year’s kisses in person (and collect some from Mira!). After she made some food we hid in her bedroom to hide under the electric blanket until her house and we warmed up. It was a warm snuggly way to start the New Year!

Friday night A@, Jobe, and I met up at Mars’s house for a game of Runebound. Mars made yummy chili and the four of us played after midnight, when A@ announced he had to leave soon. For fun A@ made a reckless grab for the end game, quickly beating the three of us to victory. Apparently the rest of us need to learn the lesson that bold action gets results in Runebound!

Saturday night Jero and I were planning to go to a party, but I wasn’t feeling well so we stayed home. We did pick up some materials so I could work on my constructible ship set for my upcoming D&D game, although we were stymied from further progress by the lack of a color ink cartridge. Instead we played on our laptops until I felt better and then watched Bones before falling asleep.

This week has been steadily better in terms of my moodiness, and I hope things will continue to improve. However, in terms of stress I still have to deal with the fact that I am fantastically broke and may have to borrow money and postpone out-of-town plans until after my next paycheck. I hate to disappoint, but so far at least people are being very understanding. *sigh*

“I don't give advice; people never take it.”
-- Robert Heinlein, Time Enough For Love